Every once in a while, I look at WordPress’ Weekly Writing Challenges, but so far I hadn’t participated for various reasons (one being that I normally blog in German which would be useless to pingback). But when I read this week’s challenge theme, something resonated with me. It didn’t take long to realize what it was: silence is something I really miss. Ever since the boys were born, silence has become a very rare and treasured thing. I love just lying around, reading, a cup of cappuccino or tea getting cold next to me, the sun warming me or candles in the room. Just listening to the story become alive in my mind, the words dancing and forming worlds and people, their words and laughter and crying and loving bleeding through the lines into my heart and soul. No music needed for me to get emotional, no contact needed to feel the storm blowing in the pages while I turn them and my eyes dance across the words. These are the moments when I can get so lost in myself, in the story and the wonderful characters that were created that I feel really disoriented when having to come back to reality. Sometimes I don’t even realize when someone is talking to me.
Being a mother means so far that these hours of silence and calm have become a rarity. The times when the boys are asleep I use to catch up with my blogging, social media, house work or video games and more often than not I can’t even finish the task before they’re awake again. Leander is working and listening to his podcasts and I emerge myself in the steady noise of communication or distraction that I think I need.
And I realize that I miss it. The silence. The calm. Just sitting there, being me. Watching the clouds. Visualizing the energy flow from the earth through me to the skies. The little meditations that watching a bird or my cat brings. I am so busy to catch up with everything that I forget to catch up with myself. To listen to the things that can only be heard when nothing else is heard. Even worse: it gets harder to find the silence within me even when I have the time to calm down. So I’ll take this Writing Challenge not only as a challenge to write about silence but to find the silence within me again. The moments of calm when truth emerges and energy. In silence.