Time in between

The Dreaming Tree There are the mornings when you “wake” up and you’re not actually awake. After one of those nights when every hour or so one of the boys wanted to cuddle or drink or play or all of it, when you’re wondering whether one of us should leave the bedroom with one of the boys and sleep in the living room because of the possibility that they’re disturbing each other. When you’re close to tears and aggression because your energy reserve is just gone. As I said more than once: The problem are not the nights as such. The problem is the amount of nights and that you’re just not able to build up any kind of reserve. And you get so. very. tired.

And then there are the days when just everything is perfect. The boys slept for at least 6 hours straight and wake up smiling and continue smiling until they’re tired again. Every time you look at them, they’re beaming that you’re heart just melts.

Yesterday morning unfortunately was not one of those mornings. The night was short and had many breaks, the boys were cranky and so were we. It really puts a strain on everyone when we’re all tired. Then, not even caramel cappuccino and cookies for breakfast can mend the night and every bit you’re just too tired to do concerning house work just keeps making things worse. I just couldn’t bring myself to do the laundry, the dishes and all the little things that need to be done. Luckily for me, I have the best husband of all times and when he offered to watch after the boys for a few hours, I jumped at the opportunity. And off I was, to the sauna. Three blissfull hours of heat, calm, naps, reading and relaxation. When I came home, I felt three years younger and looked five days more recovered than I was. I knew it would only last a few hours before exhaustion would catch up with me but that was fine. For these hours I could be the Mum I want to be.

It’s such moments one learns to cherish. The calm and smiles and laughter of the morning hours when the boys just play and are happy little babies, watch each other learning to crawl, to growl, “talk”, rattle… or the moments when they’re asleep and you can catch up with blogs, social media, books, video games, series, house work and all the other things that you can’t do when they need your attention. I love my boys, no question about it, but sometimes it just feels like they eat me up until there’s nothing left but exhaustion. And I hate that feeling because it’s not the person I want to be. Not for myself, not for Leander, not for my friends and not for my children. They deserve ALL of me. So I try to use every moment of quiet to draw energy to be ME. I just hope I can manage enough of it.

How about you (I know I have some readers 😉 )? How do you get the energy to manage your daily life with little children?

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